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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

January Sixth...


Six days into the new year already... Christmas was really good! New Year's was ok... The weekend after new year's I crashed... after the holiday blahs... exhausted... and then very grumpy... yesterday I finally started to see some light... at the end of the tunnel... not outside as that is not helping either with all the gray skies of winter... and fog... I think today is actually my first real 'day off' in three weeks... I was off Christmas day and the day after, New Year's eve and New Year's day... but do they really count as they were holidays and I got paid for them... this week I am back to Wednesday and Saturday off and I get to go in early as the boys are still out of school but I am working 40hrs.... I like 30hrs... although more money is good... but so is more time to be the mom and wife and me...

So of course I have started the new year with tons of new goals, most of them from 2009 as I don't think I ever started 2009, it sort of flew past without me... and I am already discouraged as it is six days into the new year and I only blinked... must it go by so fast... we are grownups... shouldn't time drag cause we are old and boring, lol... but actually time has flown since we bought the house and moved in ten years ago now... Christmas eve 1999...

I haven't even made my list for the new year of all the things I want to do... they are all flying around my head stressing me out... even at work I am already behind... we are still cleaning up from Christmas and people continue to shop and make new messes... I haven't opened any boxes from last week and there are sandals in there already... we've barely time to stock as all we do is help customers and clean up after them... I am very disgruntled at my town right now for being so disrespectful...

I never did clean son3's room or clean out clothes or do practice books or read books with son3 while the boys have been on winter break... son2 hasn't done anything either... they've barely got dressed or brushed their teeth but have played every computer game and watched every movie... I know we will get back to somewhat of a schedule when they are back at school but then there is homework and I am back to getting off late at work...

I need to clean my house big time... wash floors, clean bathrooms... deep cleaning not just run through the house cleaning... but since son1 moved home and brought a dog... time is not my own... but then before he moved back home we were still struggling to get on a schedule... but then for two years we kept expecting him to move back home... then for six months we had settled with the idea he was not so we were starting to get situated again and then he did move back home for six months now...
I don't want to put the blame on him as I do need to get my butte in gear sometimes but he has no routine and does not respect ours... we go to school and work everyday, eat dinner everyday, watch tv everyday... he goes to work three days a week, goes to friends, goes to girlfriends, girlfriend comes over here, he stays over at friends, sleeps til noon, eats dinner with us... but all of this is on any day of the week or every day of the week... we never know... and I don't mind him having his schedule and us having ours... he can just be a room mate/ tenant who comes and goes.... but he walks in the house and takes over... demanding our attention no matter what we are doing... right now he is not here as I assume he spent the night at his friend's house as that is where he went last night after work and eating dinner with us... he does not work again til Saturday, so I don't know if and when he will be home today and what he'll need... so it's not that I disapprove of anything in particular that he is doing, except managing his money and bills better, but that I need to do for me and quit jumping for him without me reacting and him getting mad... I know what it is it's not that I mind doing things for him but in my time not when he just expects us to jump cause he's in the house at the moment...

My biggest frustration of the year is so far is I wanted to just do my thing and get things done... but somehow it seems everyone is in my way and I don't know if that is my excuse or really a problem... have a plan, a schedule for the day... it seems as long as I am sitting on the computer hubby and the boys are happily off doing stuff but the minute I get up to start my chores they are all around me in my way... and I've discovered my first epiphany of the year... I know you all see me as upbeat and positive which is what my blog is, my happy place where everything is pretty... but boy have I become so negative... the last five years at work or something has made me very disgruntled.... now the hormones this past week aren't helping but I have been trying to see the positive at work and just do my job and not focus on everyone else's faults but I can't do it.... they say that when you point out others mistakes you are pointing out what you don't like in yourself... I'm very hard on myself as I am on everyone else... so at work I have been trying to see what the part timers get done instead of just focusing on what they don't do... it will be a process... hubby has a habit of coming in the door from work and giving out orders to the boys of what they didn't do during the day, which is fine when he gets home before me... but if it is my day off and I am sitting in the middle of the mess with the boys, he gets in trouble, lol... tell him, grown up in the house and to go change his clothes and come in again... or I would start pointing out all the things he hadn't done that week... after he changed on Sunday he asked me did I see what he had done that morning... I should have as I was sitting where the mess had been and I didn't even notice that he had put away all the storage bins of Christmas wrapping paper, bows, tissue paper... see even at home I just look at the what is not getting done instead of what is.....


But now let's return to the pretty part of the blog.... where I happily get lots done every day... I got hubby off to work this morning... son3 got up early this morning with me... I had hot chocolate and raisin toast, he had waffles with syrup and cool whip and chocolate milk... he watched his PBS shows... I spent just a few minutes at facebook, I have cut way back since the new year started... I loaded and ran the dishwasher... I am on the second load of laundry... I cleared off the island and dining room table... I took a shower and got dressed, son3 is pajama boy again... checked email... finally found a background and header for the blog that I like and I found some graphics for my Motivation Station entry for tomorrow... it's now 11:30am, four hours since I got up and son2 is now up...

I still need to wash the pots and pans, do three more loads of laundry, put away all the laundry including the loads I did the other day, do my entry for TMS, work on my 2010 list, vacuum, clean out the catalogs from Christmas, take a picture for color carnival, visit TMS and motivate, make pea soup with the leftover ham bone, spend just a few minutes cleaning my room-got to start it sometime, read blogs-another thing I have started doing again in 2010, watch Julie and Julia-I watched The Five People You Meet in Heaven the other day-so good, water the plants, and do the dishes again... and whatever else I add to the list... AOL mail has a feature I love, on the side it has a to do list you can click on and add and check off as you go....

I see Holly at the patio door wanting in... she likes to go out the laundry room door into the garage, then I leave the garage door open a bit so she can go outside but then she goes around to the backyard and sits by the patio door wanting back in... just so I can let her out the laundry room door....... between her and Danny I could spend all day letting pets in and out....

We've also had tons of , OK 15-25 backyard birds at our feeders and in our trees that hubby and I have been getting pictures of through the dining room window... I want to make a smile box slideshow of them.... and I need to put some pictures in my Not Just Roses blog.... I'm still taking pictures just no time to sit and play with them....
OK off to work on my day off.....
Happy Journaling...

9 comments:

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I bet you are glad the holidays are over at work anyway. It seems Son1 does disrupt things at your house. I'd just go about my routine and not let him bother me. It's your house and you have set things to do and he needs to know it. Maybe he doesn't realize just how busy you are. Kids take alot for granted and sometimes we just need to let them know. Even the kids that are supposed to be all grown up.

Barbara said...

I can relate to several things that you mentioned. It is hard to get motivated and be interupted when you try to get things done. I hope things get better for both of us in that area.
:)

That corgi :) said...

(((Linda))) I think you have it tougher than some parents because your kids are soooo stretched out in ages, you are dealing with a "young one", a "teen" and an "adult son who found himself back home". Not any of them have anything in common except the fact that they are related to each other. You have to deal with each of them separately in their maturity and age level instead of collectively if they were in the same age range. Three teens, as hard as they would be to raise, would be a bit "better" than three spread out 7 years apart. (does this make sense?)

I truly understand your frustrations with son1. Son here I enjoyed (for the most part) but mix in his girlfriend and I "feel your pain". thankfully she went home last weekend and I can see a big change in stress levels in just a few days.

I hope Son1 realizes he might want his freedom to be on his own and pursues, if he can, a job that allows him more financial freedom so he might be able to take that step

I think there comes a time where they need to be out on their own; and although we love them, we are ready for them to be on their own too

I think it might help next week when son2 and son3 go back to school and routines are reestablished (hopefully)

hugs to you

betty

Jeannette said...

I can understand what you're going through, I had the same when I was maried. Now I'm on my own and only have me or the cats to blame for the mess at home! It's hard to get a routine going and asking others to respect that you also have stuff to do, too many kids think that mum is there at their beck and call. I stopped making resolutions, it's easier that way as I never kept them then I felt depressed! Happy new year to you all! Jeannette xx

Joyce said...

I need the motivation you are talking about in a big way. Sounds like son1 is like one one in this household...hope it gets better. Hope your week ahead goes well...your always on top of things. It will get better! Love,
Joyce

Maria said...

I love the birds in your header! THanks for the new motivation links too. I found the Handbook for 2010 on TMS a great list. You are way more productive than I ever thought of being! I can't believe how much you get done! I have a computer room that is just screaming for some TLC. I haven't ordered my replacement calendars for the 2010 frames yet...soon though. In any case, it was nice stopping by your site. You are an inspiration!

Lisa said...

You tired me out with your ambitious goals. I need to do a thorough house cleaning too. I had that on my 09 list and never completed it so maybe this year. I hope 2010 proves to be a good year for you & yours.

Gayla said...

(((Linda)))
You busy, busy, busy person you! I admire you, I truly do. But I understand and sympathize with your frustrations. ARghhhhhh!
I have goals this year too and normally I don't make resolutions but this year I did. So far, I'm doing pretty good with them. But I don't have kids, a full time job, a very busy home to run so all you can is your best. And I think you do fantastic!!!
2010 is going to be a great year Linda :)
Hugs, Gayla

Tina said...

Well, you wrote this nearly three weeks ago, so I'm sure you have it sorted out by now.

Sure, I am used to you keeping a "pretty place," but it's good to use it in any way you need it, right? I understand so much of what was concerning you....

I like how you added "and me" to your list, when you wrote "time to be the mom and wife." I think lots of people...me included...need to add "and me" more often!