Grumble, Grumble, Grumble…
A whole week since I allowed myself to blog…
A whole week since son2’s bday already…
Another week gone by of nothing getting done and still three more days of work before a day off…
Hopefully not like my last day off that was about five minutes long with hubby and I having a day off together of driving the boys to and from school and grocery shopping…
Grumble, Grumble, Grumble…
Had my visit yesterday… He is not a personable person at all…
I’m probably harder on myself then how the visit went… But since I can never tell if he approves of anything, he is so dry in his approach that even positive comments sound like someone reading a report that I feel I do nothing right…
I felt the visit started out good and then went downhill from there…
I understand and don’t totally disagree with the things he pointed out I need to fix just that it will take a week to fix them and four more days till we actually have a day to get to it…
Mostly I’m just mad at myself for caring so much about work and not getting the support I need and then when I try to be happy at work everyone brings me down with their disgruntelness… I made a new word… I’m referring to other managers not my associates…
I can’t put into words what all I’m thinking about the visit at the moment… I just feel broken down at the moment instead of being lifted up…
That’s it, instead of coming in and being all Rah Rah, go team go… He’s more “this is all the things you need to work on and plus do all these things too and it’s important I tell you all this because if I don’t come in every couple of months and tell you what to do then my district job isn’t necessary”…
Grumble, Grumble, Grumble…
I’m mad at home too though…
February Second, post cont…
I did not finish the post yesterday because I began lecturing the boys on responsibilities…
Then it was time to go to work…
I came home last night and none of my lecture made the boys feel even a bit guilty as their chores were still not done as they had been on games all day long…
I did adjust my attitude a bit at work yesterday and had time to rethink the visit and why I let that district manager get to me… We have made a plan at work of the things he wants done, one of them was my fault and should have been done but I had forgotten… So I will compromise and get the things done that we are able to…
Between work and home I do feel like a crazy woman with perimenopause/menopause…
My morning cocktail consists of :
Gabapentin, women’s multivitamin, green tea/acai berry tablet, vitamin D, St. John’s Wort, vitamin B6 (just added this week) and soon to be added vitamin B12…
My goal this year is to blog more to get all my thoughts out so I’m not beating hubby with my words…
I also bought a journal to write in all my thoughts to God, a prayer journal… and to write positive quotes in… a thankful journal…
But I still haven’t started it yet…
It is so noisy in my head, I feel so out of control… and yet I tell myself God is in control… so I need to let go… and just do my work… and be a mom… and be a wife…
There are so many negative thoughts in my head too…
Time to get ready for work…
But first I must wash off my car that is covered in bird poop because I forgot and parked under the telephone wires at work…
To be cont…
February Third
Another somewhat good night at work last night…
Still running around getting nowhere though…
Today I was very scattered brain… and either I was spreading it to others or they had it too…
We have tore up the department in the attempt to make all the changes the district manager requested… Hopefully by the end of the week we will see the results and be back in order…
Son2 is bugging me…
Son2 has homework… He only has school on Tuesday and Thursday…
It is Monday at 8pm and he has not started his homework yet…
He has not made an appointment to get his driver’s license yet nor has he driven enough…
He has not thought about looking for a part time job…
He will be on my couch til he’s 30… maybe 40…
Son3 has finished his homework for today… he has more to do but it’s not do til Thursday…
I have not cleaned/looked in his backpack since before Halloween…
Neither has he… well he’s looked in it but not cleaned it out…
The flap was open and I noticed this inside… It was from last semester… A Japanese drawing he did of Japan… He said he got an A on it…
I ordered some books for Son1 and DIL… I told Son1 he had some mail to pick up… He said Ok I’ll be by right after work… of course he didn’t stop by until the next day and told son2 to tell me Thank You… why do I have a cell phone… Then last night I saw this from DIL on Facebook, saying Thank You for the books…
My God journal and Calendar agenda… they are supposed to simplify life… but things seem to get crazier and crazier the more I try to get organized and slow down…
Right now I am tired and having trouble concentrating and of course I’ve forgotten all the things I wanted to write in the last three days…
Now that the visit is over and it is only the beginning of the month I have been in a better mood… I can still snap in an instance though… Especially as it gets closer to the 10th I can’t make any promises on my behavior…
I think I’ll go walk on the treadmill before hubby gets home… it will only be the third time I have walked on it since I got it…
Between home and work… my time is not my own…
Joyce Meyer Ministries
Dreading something that isn’t here yet only wastes the time you have today. –Joyce
We don't need to make a plan and then pray for God to make our plan work. We need to pray first and see if God's got a plan.
Don't just try to have enough of Jesus just to slip in the back door of heaven. Throw your life wide open and say, "God, here I am.”
Start talking to God as soon as you wake up each day - He is waiting to hear your voice! -Joyce
We need to create an atmosphere in our lives and in our homes that the Holy Spirit can be very comfortable in all the time.
Today, Linda, we believe God wants you to know that ...
you are on the right path.
Keep on walking, and one day you will turn back and see that all was as God meant it for you, - perfect.
Today, Linda, we believe God wants you to know that ...
your pains are God's way to rouse you from slumber.
Pain is your wake-up call to awaken, to look deeper into yourself, to adjust the course of your life. God tries to be as gentle as possible, and only if you ignore the call does the pain get stronger.
Today, Linda, we believe God wants you to know that ...
to love God you must have an attitude of love.
An attitude of receptivity and warmth and readiness to receive God's grace. An attitude of giving and generosity and not-holding-back to let God's grace flow through you and on into the world. You know you love God when you feel love flowing through you.
Tonight
Clear 34°
Tomorrow
Mostly Sunny 59°
Tomorrow night
Mostly Clear 33°
Happy Journaling…
2 comments:
(((Linda))) I can totally understand, LOL, about your time not being your own, though you have a little more responsibility than me in that you still have young ones at home whereas I still have a son here but at 24, its different than the ages of Son2 and Son3.
Tough to deal with the visits you get from the district manager and try to incorporate all they want you to do; bet they didn't say anything you were doing right. Its like at my work, we have to do this and that and this and that to get it right, so much responsibility (for so little pay, LOL) and they berate us if we make a minor mistake (like omit an "a" or a "the" from a report) yet rarely thank us for what we do right.
Best thing you can do is try to do the best you can at work and then try to leave the work at work when you go home.
But yes, do right in your blog. I find it is a good release to write (I write in a private journal), just to have a place to "let it all out".
Good self control to stay out of Son3's backpack. He needs to take that responsibility.
I doubt Son2 will still be on your couch at 30 or 40, LOL :)
betty
It sounds like you've really been through a lot lately. All you can do is your best, which I know you do, and leave the rest to God. I've been in that spot many times and truly you just have to leave things in his hands sometimes. You have a such a busy life. Hope now things will be a lot smoother and brighter for you now.
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