September Tenth

We’re watching Paul… Quite funny… lots of sci fi movie quotes..

We decided to go on our picnic tomorrow… to Wawona in Yosemite…

The boys were grumpy and tired from school, and even hubby was kind of of in a mood today, but he’s entitled… I was good and wanted to get some things done around the house so we would come home to a somewhat organized house tomorrow before going back to work and school… if you visit The Motivation Station for our GIT Challenge today and read the comments you’ll see what all I got done today…

Son1 and girlfriend went to his two cousin’s babies first birthday parties today… I was up early helping him find gift bags, tissue paper and cards to wrap the presents… they’re still out and about for the day…

Son2 went off to his friends to play Monopoly… He was supposed to be home an hour ago as it’s dark now… he just called asking if he could spend the night when he knows we told him before he left no spending the night as we were going out tomorrow…

Son3 has been playing his video games all day… He is off to the shower now…

And if son2 would hurry and get home we could have some brownies and ice cream…

And then sleeping time… I’m tired…

On this day, God wants you to know

... that you can fool others, sometimes even yourself, but God always knows your truth. Uncomfortable, painful, even scary at times, truth is always better than lies. Remember, God always knows.

Happy Journaling…

Sseptember Ninth

I am feeling good today… Still yelling of course but to get everyone motivated to get some things done not just yelling out of frustration…
I did not get as much done at work last night but it was  a good night… the system was down so no one has been able to make schedules yet… I also did not get as much scanned in the stockroom as I wanted… but we did get some clearance moved around on the floor to make room for tables of women’s fashion boots to go out today… tonight I’m hoping to get more scanning done in the stockroom and put out a table so we can put out the kid’s slippers… I’ll also have the manager on duty phone for three hours and after dinner have closing the store duties to perform… plus I wonder who I am closing with tonight as one of the other managers isn’t able to work as her husband had to go to the hospital…
Son1 sold his Jeep yesterday for $4500… $4000 for the down payment on his truck and $500 toward the $3000 he borrowed from a friend to buy his Honda many cars ago… leaving $600 he still owes the friend… he was refinanced and now will pay $340 a month which includes full warranty up to 100,000 miles on the truck and he got a lower interest rate than hubby and I got on hubby’s Liberty we just bought due to losing the Saturn when I was rear ended in an accident back on Fourth of July weekend… Son1 has worked 96 hours the last two weeks at his job… Girlfriend starts cosmetology school on Monday…
Hubby said he also had a bit of a talk with son1 about his plan for the next year and that we may need him to help out a bit the three weeks after hubby’s surgery when he’s home recuperating with his catheter… I am planning on taking a week off while hubby is in the hospital and his first days home…
I haven’t really seen son2 as he is asleep when I get home and I say good bye to him as he is the first one out the door in the morning…
Son3 did homework with hubby last night as I was at work… so this morning I went through his backpack making sure all homework was done and covered another one of his books… as soon as he was dressed and done with breakfast this morning we studied spelling words for his spelling test today… as he is in the 350 club at school for GPA 3.4 or better he brought money for the snack bar as he gets a discount when wearing his 350 shirt and badge… he was up at 3:30  this morning with a nightmare so watched Megamind until he could fall back asleep…
Hubby is off at work today… he finished writing up his training seminar and now must give it to his boss for approval… although he is also training them as they hired him because he is the copy expert…
The reason we have decided for hubby to have the surgery to remove the prostate is because it ensures the most chance of removing all the cancer… if they remove the prostate and find no cancer outside the prostate or none shows up in the years to come as it is very small and slow growing and not easy to detect at first then hubby will be cured and live out his life as intended… and understands the chance of side effects of incontinence and erectile dysfunction…
I am also feeling good probably because I have the weekend off… We are trying to decide to go for a picnic to the mountains or to the beach…
Hubby will be going grocery shopping today to get food for the week, stuff for a picnic and ingredients to make comfort stew that I will be putting in the crock pot tomorrow morning before we leave… check out the recipe at my entry at Our Krazy Kitchen tomorrow…
I didn’t think I would have time to do this entry as I wasted an hour at facebook playing Yoville and it kept causing me to lose internet connection and losing all the work I had done on my RV before I had a chance to click save… But here I am almost done and still have a couple of minutes before I have to start getting ready for work… and I even already had breakfast, lunch, vacuumed, cleaned up the dirt where the kittens keep getting in my houseplants, cleaned up the boys bathroom after the kittens as that is where we keep their litter box  and food and filled out a birthday card to go in the mail…

On this day, God wants you to know
... that when you focus on problems, you will have more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you will have more opportunities.
Happy Journaling

September Eighth

Got the boys off to school and son1 is off at work… I thought hubby was going to work as he was dressed but found out he was working at home writing up a training seminar to give to his fellow associates…
So instead of a quiet morning, I am having a grumpy morning… not that I don’t want hubby here but part of this whole part time job he has that is frustrating me is all the at home time instead of at a job time… so I either get used to him being home and then find out he is off to work or think he is going to work and then find out he is home because he doesn’t think to tell me his plan for the day… Yesterday I almost forgot to pick up son3 even though Wednesday is my normal day to pick him up cause I get so used to hubby being here, I forgot he was gone at work…
After having two days off since I called out sick on Tuesday I had got myself calmed down and had planned to get my mind back into a work mode for my own job this morning… But then hubby being home threw that all off… as he needed help getting into the hospital website so he could email the doctor which caused us to discuss more doctor/cancer stuff  which gets me all upset all over again… he does now have an appointment to talk with the doctor on Monday instead of next Friday on making a plan of what comes next… I understand the whole not jumping into a hasty decision but at least having a plan in place would be enough waiting time instead of just going home for two weeks to think about things… anyway no processes can begin til four weeks from the biopsy and then two weeks to prep hubby’s system for surgery… so the earliest surgery could be would be October 4th anyway… but then at least I could plan work/kids/ emotions if there was a date in mind… we’ll see what we find out on Monday…
My plans for work today are make the schedule, check email, walk my department, see that all the processes were done while I was gone, print out reports, cover the manager on duty phone for three hours, scan the stockroom in between calls, go to dinner, work a bit more in the stockroom, close the store and go home…
Son3 was still mad at me this morning and did not want to go to school cause he did not want to have to tell anyone that I said he could not do choir… I really want him to join something but my boys always pick the things that are the most committed and last all year… choir is also new this year so I don’t want to be subjected to the unorganized of it being new with all that is going on in the house… plus it is part of their GPA so if he has to miss a performance due to hubby’s doctor visits he will get a poor grade… besides he is still not the best student and needs to get into the likeness of reading… his grammar and spelling still need a lot of work… and choir would cause him to miss class time to go to practice twice a week…
I posted my question of the week over at The Motivation Station today…
I scheduled a post for Our Krazy Kitchen for Saturday… a comfort stew that I am planning on making on Saturday…
I am off this weekend so we may go for a picnic on Saturday just a matter of where…
Time to get my shoes on and start getting ready to head out the door for work…
Happy Journaling…

September Seventh

Nothing on TV and no one can decide on a movie… Hubby is watching some nature show and the boys are showering and getting ready for school… Our water heater has decided to start leaking so we will probably be ordering a new one from Sears in another day or two…
Lots and lots going on here… Hard to put it all into words… So many emotions and I don’t even know what thought to settle on and deal with first…

Son3 is no longer playing football… he hurt his arm in a tackle in practice and it kinda shook him up so that he wouldn’t play in the first game and then told the coach he was quitting… the coach was very nice and told him to try again but son3 was sure so the coach told him he could try again next year… So now he is wanting to join choir but it is the entire year and during class… I think he would be good at it but so far he can’t tell me one reason why he wants to do it or what he thinks it will be like… so I’m thinking no for now… he’s mad at me…
Son2 has his list for everything that needs to be done for senior year… first thing done, Senior pictures today…
Son1 continues to plan for his future… he and girlfriend/fiancé just celebrated their two year anniversary… fiancé should be starting school soon… she finally got a payment plan of $500 a month instead of $1500 a month for cosmetology school… so two years of school for her plan… and she is working full time… son1 is still working full time too… all of his previous plans of finding a career are null… except for work helping him get his truck driving license… and the neighbor said he would let him know if any union/journeyman jobs became available… and he has decided to sell his Jeep to acquire the down payment needed for the 2011 Ford truck he just bought on Labor Day… payments for the next six years… he did mention to us that the Jeep was using $100 of gas a week and that he wanted to buy something for around $5000-$7000… but since he gets a discount from work and the car lot approved his loan guess he got caught up in the moment… and this is his idea of planning for the future… hope he still thinks that over the next six years as he is still making payments… meanwhile he still as other bills to pay off and the engagement ring he added recently… all while still living in my front living room… I’m mad as to how he thinks this is ok… I haven’t looked at the new truck nor am I barely speaking to him to show my disappointment not that he can see past his nose that I’m upset as someone told me recently… 

Two weeks ago we found hubby has prostate cancer… as he has been monitored for several years now, they caught it early enough… but he still has it… I cried for twenty four hours off and on still going into work for half my shift as I was the closing manager… We went to talk to the doctor a week ago to discuss the next step we thought… but the doctor just wanted to make sure we read the book he recommended and to answer any questions and confirm the diagnosis he had already told us… I was very frustrated with the talk… We had already decided on surgery but he made it sound as if we were rushing into it too quickly and we had choices and decisions to make… he also told us to get a second opinion which was really at the same hospital in a different city two hours away because they did the robotic surgery that we don’t have here… so now we are home for two weeks to have more time to work through emotions, ya think, and decide for sure that we want the surgery… hubby has always known that he would want the surgery as his dad passed away from prostate cancer because he did not have the surgery… so the doctor and I had words…  I told hubby he needs to talk to the doctor without me, told him the doctor would not like me coming along, and make sure he likes him enough to treat him… so a week into our two week wait hubby is going to email the doctor some questions to help him make his decision… I think I have moved to the anger phase now…

i called out of work yesterday as I had a bit of an outburst as I was trying to get ready for work, even made it to the car but hubby directed me back in the house as I was in no condition to go to work in my mood of rage… With hubby's diagnosis it has just magnified everything else for me… and I was so angry about what son1 did… especially with worrying about our own finances with hubby still working part time and no benefits for the six weeks he will be recovering from his surgery… his new boss is sympathetic of his situation as her husband was also diagnosed with prostate cancer however in the past week or so they are getting divorced for other reasons… I am trying to take my work one day at a time… we survived back to school and are still recovering… Lots of people at work are having bad news lately too… such crazy times right now… and I tend to worry about others too and try to think how lucky we are and then at the same time I feel selfish thinking I want special treatment for my troubles right now too… never time to just stop and deal, days keep going, life keeps going on…
Hubby put in a Star Trek movie: First Contact… Son2 has already gone to sleep and son3 is calling to tuck him in… Hopefully I’ll take more time to work through my thoughts and emotions in my blog now…
On this day, God wants you to know
... that God doesn't want your obedience, God wants your love. Servants give obedience, children give love. You are a child of God.
Happy Journaling…

God Wants You To Know

 

On this day, God wants you to know

... that the great advantage of having nothing is that everything becomes a gain. Losing everything is at the same time the scariest, as well as the most liberating experience you can have. When you have something, - anything, you've got to protect it from disappearing. And so worry becomes a resident in your heart. When you've got nothing, your heart overflows with gratitude for every offering you receive.

On this day, God wants you to know

... that your remedy for anxiety is the question: 'Will this matter in a year from now?' All too often you get so involved in things that you look at life through a microscope. Amplifying manifold, an invisible speck becomes an insurmountable mountain. Put down the microscope and imagine yourself a year from now looking back at today: 'Does this really matter?'

On this day, God wants you to know

... that when an impossible must happen, put it on God's to-do list. Well, if you can't make it happen, and no one else can, there is only thing left to do, - finally look up and trust in God to make it right.

On this day, God wants you to know

... that circumstances don't make you, they reveal you. How you respond to the life God offers you is what makes you.

On this day, God wants you to know

... that it's important to appreciate and respect the young ones. Let them feel your love. These children and young people will inherit our earth, and as they have been treated, so will they treat others.

On this day, God wants you to know

... that one good deed can shift the balance of the whole world. Never underestimate the power of your goodness and kindness.

On this day, God wants you to know

... that you are only as free as you imagine yourself to be. There is nothing ''out there'' that's holding you down, - you are limiting yourself only with your own imagination. And your greatest limits are not even the ''cannot'' and the ''should not'', but the places where your imagination hasn't yet gone at all. There has never been a better time for you to open your eyes, let the imagination soar and see what more is possible.

On this day, God wants you to know

... that until you learn how to say 'no', you will never be able to fully say 'yes'. Unless you know how to set boundaries to form your safe space, you will always be concerned that saying 'yes' might put you in danger. So you will always pull back a little from saying 'yes' with your whole heart. Paradoxically, knowing how to say 'no' to form boundaries gives much more power to your 'yes'.

On this day, God wants you to know

... that a lot of things you think are important, are just urgent, but not important. Focus on what really matters. A phone call for example is always urgent - it rings only a few times and is gone, but is often not important. If you are in the middle of something truly important - playing with kids, being present with your loved one, - do not stop just because a silly phone rings. Stay present with what's important now.

Happy Journaling…