Thirty Years…

 

Thirty Years Ago Today I started working at Sears… I was seasonal Christmas help for $3.45 an hour…. I was a senior in high school… I’ve worked at five different stores in every department except for LP(security) and automotive(son1 worked there though so we got that covered)… I did quit once a couple of months before son1 was born and I had married his father… however when son1 was just three months old I decided to go back to work, even had an interview at JC Penney but Sears hired me back on the spot… and since I had only been gone five months, I kept my anniversary… Six years ago for my 40th birthday my supervisor position at the time was eliminated so technically I was fired/laid off… There were no other supervisor positions available at the time, however before the day was over they had placed me in shoes as a merchandiser still at my full time status… so I was rehired on the same day I was let go but of course with a five dollar pay cut… Six years later I am still in shoes with only about two dollars added back per hour… many times I wrestled with the idea of being a supervisor again, but never could decide if it was what I was supposed to do… The only time I have been out of work is the birth of each son and when I had my gall bladder out and I get five weeks of vacation a year…

 

Son1 is now working two jobs, a full time and a part time… I don’t understand why he is always saying he doesn’t have money or the money he has isn’t enough… I know he has bills to pay~cell phone and car insurance and storage but he doesn’t pay rent… and he chooses to eat fast food more times than he eats at home… he also has two credit cards to pay off and a friend that he owes a couple of thousand dollars to for when he bought his first car… but I tell him if he would have just paid so much to the three every month he would have had them all paid off in the last four years that he has been barely paying or not at all… hubby and I spent about $4ooo helping son1 when he moved back home over the last year getting his bills caught up and trying to teach him how to pay bills… What I really can’t understand however is that son1’s take home pay from his part time job is more than my take home at my full time job once medical insurance is taken out of my pay check… how am I paying my bills…….

 

Son2 wants to be a fireman/paramedic… son1 has always wanted to work with cars/motorcycles… son1 has worked at four jobs dealing with automotive including his part time job he has now… his full time job is a warehouse job dealing with large household appliances… son1 said a few months ago that he has always wanted to be a fireman and applied at the school son2 wants to go to… I never remember son1 saying he wanted to be a fireman…

 

Son1’s dad has had more jobs than I can count and has been on unemployment just as many… He is now unemployed once again…

 

Hubby wasn’t working when I met him but was going to school… His job before then he had worked at for 14 years… When we got married he got a job at the school he graduated from and worked there for 6 years… When we moved to Fresno we had sent out mass resumes that got him the job to move here, however the position did not work out and he was on unemployment… Of course I transferred to the Sears here, they were calling as we were still unloading the moving truck… Hubby got a job just as unemployment ran out and worked there for over 12 years… til just recently being let go for stupid reasons… what I don’t understand is why he got let go now… when I’m celebrating thirty years with Sears… I am more depressed today than when I turned 40 years old…

 

Of course I guess I was hoping for a bit more hoopla with my anniversary… I was given a pin and plaque at the morning store meeting a week ago but along with two others receiving their 20 year pins… and I got to pick a gift from the online catalog… I knew that was all I was getting, don’t know why I was expecting more… our store manager is very self centered… and everyone is very busy getting ready for Christmas… I just don’t feel career wise and pay wise I have much to show for my thirty years… but then I remember it got me through college, two marriages, one divorce, three sons and my house… but it’s still not enough with hubby not working…

 

I did have a good cry this morning that I have been holding in all week… I thought I was just upset about hubby not working and the holidays… but I have been having a mid life crisis about reaching my 30 year milestone at work and being a shoe stock person, not that I don’t like working in shoes… I also had a talk with hubby the other day about being a supervisor again… a store in the next town over was hiring a shoe lead and a softlines lead… but I decided it was not the right time with not knowing hubby’s new work schedule when he does find a job and having to commute twice as far as I do now, not that I commute, just that it is twice as far away… So I told hubby maybe if my shoe lead ever gets promoted I’ll apply for our store… The very next day I find out from my shoe lead that the person who had taken the jewelry lead position changed their mind and so our softline lead had taken the position instead opening the softline position at our store… which my shoe lead applied for… if she gets it she will move in January after the holidays are over… I was like how can I not see this sign hitting me in the face… didn’t I just tell hubby that if our shoe lead position opened I would apply… I know I could do the job just don’t know if I want the hastle… and would it exactly be much more money… I expected son2 to dispute it but he said he would help with son3 if I took the position… although hubby could get a job with hours to accommodate son3… we just don’t know what next year holds for us…

I know one thing…. only 20 more years and I can retire… assuming there will still be social security….

The picture below is the pans I picked as my prize…

Happy Journaling…